The other hdr stuff I watch is mostly dolby vision on Netflix or hdr movies on YouTube.
Both of these look much brighter, especially dolby vision.
Tonight were going to watch a movie, then the living room is also much darker.
There should be no significant difference in brightness watching the same content on Netflix in HDR10 or DolbyVision - the DV version should optimise better for your display and may display some scenes subtly differently to the HDR10 version - but the overall brightness should be very similar. (The DV metadata carries information scene-by-scene (or shot-by-shot) to assist your TV in tone mapping stuff it can't display correctly, whereas HDR10 stuff just has basic metadata for the whole show or movie)
If you are saying one series you have watched in HDR10 doesn't look as bright as a different series you have watched in DolbyVision - well that's comparing apples with oranges (as the two series will have been graded separately with different grading decisions taken about SDR content vs HDR content in the HDR10 and DV grade)
HDR10 and DV are conventionally graded to keep the SDR elements in the 100nit range, only going over 100nits for highlight detail, speculars etc. that in SDR would be clipped to peak (or have to be heavily compressed down to retain detail). Some people grading content will push more conventional SDR stuff into the HDR range to make it 'look HDR' - Amazon's 'The Man In The High Castle' was a real offender in that regard ISTR. However most shows keep the HDR range just for 'HDR' stuff.
One difference between DV and HDR10 is that many TVs allow you to adjust far more picture settings when displaying HDR10 than they do with DV (with DV taking more 'control' over your display settings when displaying DV content)
IIRC tone mapping is only supported in Kodi for Windows (via d3d shaders) and Android (via the mediacodec framework, if implemented by a device). I've read reports that it works fine on the Nvidia Shield, not sure about other devices.
I think AMLogic devices in CoreElec have some degree of Tonemapping for HDR->SDR conversion too, as well as HLG->HDR10 conversion.