I wouldn't be too surprised if Windows drivers look for properties frequently associated with HDR and fake/trigger the mode change on the TV and/or blindly force output in some way.
I believe you are correct here. I have confirmed that the Kodi in windows reports there is no HDR capabilities on my screen. You were right about the AVR and it removing modes, if I plugged directly into the TV then I had many more 1080p modes. That does raise the question of how best to connect a pc to the AVR.
I have since switched to a NUC6CAYH and it is shows HDR support in system info. I have tested a number of HDR videos and they are all playing in HDR, so that issue is solved at least.